i'm sorry i haven't been here.
i've been going through one of those
"i'm a bad person" fits. where one defines
every minute, inconsequential action made
as catastrophic. blame it on the weather
i suppose. i've taken a page from madge's
book and have been listening to fleet foxes
and bat for lashes, watching The City and reading
the Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde.
i really like all of those things right now.
the worst thing about Catholicism (and there are
several, i assure you) is the guilt. Oh! the
catholic guilt instilled in me from a young
age by my mother and the catechism teacher
who told me my dogs wouldn't go to heaven
when they died! as a good little catholic girl
you're supposed to feel guilty for everything.
ESPECIALLY for being a good little catholic girl.
maybe i should start believing in confession?
not that i have anything to confess anyway,
i'd put the kindest priest to sleep in a hot
minute, relaying MY sins.
i've been told i'm a good person. and maybe i
brighten the days of a select few, but i don't
feel that way or believe that. maybe it's
my self-chosen solitude that brings this upon
my head. it's definitely a lack of vitamin d.
i'm not as evil as lord henry or as vain as
mr. gray but i may be as needy as basil.
i'm a disjointed, suspicious person.
i wish i could show the people i love
how much i really love them. because there's
so many of you i would hug and have tea with,
and smoke upside down with, and overshare with,
but there's an invisible wall between you and i.
self-erected.
the one good thing about that catechism teacher
is that she described purgatory as a doctor's
waiting room with magazines, and not the lesser
level of hell it really is.
i've been going through one of those
"i'm a bad person" fits. where one defines
every minute, inconsequential action made
as catastrophic. blame it on the weather
i suppose. i've taken a page from madge's
book and have been listening to fleet foxes
and bat for lashes, watching The City and reading
the Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde.
i really like all of those things right now.
the worst thing about Catholicism (and there are
several, i assure you) is the guilt. Oh! the
catholic guilt instilled in me from a young
age by my mother and the catechism teacher
who told me my dogs wouldn't go to heaven
when they died! as a good little catholic girl
you're supposed to feel guilty for everything.
ESPECIALLY for being a good little catholic girl.
maybe i should start believing in confession?
not that i have anything to confess anyway,
i'd put the kindest priest to sleep in a hot
minute, relaying MY sins.
i've been told i'm a good person. and maybe i
brighten the days of a select few, but i don't
feel that way or believe that. maybe it's
my self-chosen solitude that brings this upon
my head. it's definitely a lack of vitamin d.
i'm not as evil as lord henry or as vain as
mr. gray but i may be as needy as basil.
i'm a disjointed, suspicious person.
i wish i could show the people i love
how much i really love them. because there's
so many of you i would hug and have tea with,
and smoke upside down with, and overshare with,
but there's an invisible wall between you and i.
self-erected.
the one good thing about that catechism teacher
is that she described purgatory as a doctor's
waiting room with magazines, and not the lesser
level of hell it really is.
1 comment:
i want to get to know you better.
and if you ever want to come to my church, you can drink an entire bottle of wine with my pastor and her main stance is if you mean well in life, your pretty much set. guilt not dear girl, you definitely are petty set for greaaaatnesssssoooohhhhh.
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